We don’t make bacon very often, only on special occasions. I love bacon fat. My dear husband always tells me not to eat the fat part of the bacon, and tries to take it away from my plate. Even my kids don’t eat it as they know it is unhealthy. But for me, I just can’t resist it. I not only finish up my portion, but also sometimes go about and eat everyone else’s fat leftovers that they chose not to eat! One day, when everyone left the kitchen and I was clearing up the dishes, I was delighted to see all the fat left on all the plates. (These are some extra perks for having so many children, LOL). I was about to attack them when I stopped and thought to myself…’Your fate is determined by the decisions you make’. It was then that it struck me that I can very easily hide from my husband and eat all the bacon fat I want to, but it is me who is going to suffer afterwards, with high cholesterol, obesity, or atherosclerosis.
Isn’t that what free will is? God has given us the right to make choices freely, using the intelligence He has given us. But there’s a caveat- The choices you make will determine your fate.
In today’s culture of sinfulness, it is not easy to keep our children protected all the time. Even in a situation where you are homeschooling, it is hard to keep an eye out for what everyone is doing every single moment. If I am to keep an eye on each kid all the time, I would need 8 pairs of eyes to just watch the kids and another pair to do other household duties! The only way to go is to set their moral compass in the right direction. “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”(Proverbs 22:6). We have to train our kids to choose what is morally right. First of all, we ourselves have to model the right behavior. When we make a mistake or mess up, we need to let them know that we made a bad choice.
We have to educate our children about the truths of life and allow them to use their free will, under our guidance, as it is a gift that God has given them.
We have to educate them upfront about the pros and cons of making certain choices, and allow them to make the choices (within certain boundaries, while they are still young). Sometimes we will have to allow them to make the bad choice they chose in spite of being educated about the consequence, even though we know it will harm them. For example, if we tell them not to touch an object that is hot, and they go ahead and do it, they will sooner or later realise that there is a bad consequence that follows. (Now, we are not talking about serious matters like deciding to walk in the middle of the road when there is traffic! ) It is said that experience is the best teacher. Let them get a chance to experience the result of their decisions.
Also if we get to their assistance very soon instead of allowing them to solve the problem on their own first, they will not develop character or independence. When they mess up because of bad choices, I try not to rush to their assistance immediately. I give them time to sink in the fact that they are facing the consequences for their action, before attending to them. Isn’t that how God reacts? He allows us to face the consequences, yet once we show remorse for our action, He is ever ready to embrace us and bring us back.
The whole reason sin has crept into the world is because man is working against the natural law that God has set for our safety and security. The whole essence of God’s laws is love. He has set the laws because He loves us, and all the laws revolve around the commandment of love- love of God and love of neighbor. When we go against God’s laws, there are consequences. Similarly, our children also need to know that there are consequences for going against the laws/rules we have set for their safety as well as of course, God’s laws.
We have to allow them to fail, let them get up by themselves, and try again.
After a while, they will get the message, that when they depart from doing good, or following commands, it actually hurts them, or they lose some special privilege. If we do this consistently when they are younger, they will learn to do the same and depart from sin, in more serious matters. Once they are comfortable making small choices, they will later be able to make the right choices in more important matters.
The key to producing any result with parenting is being consistent. This is actually something very difficult, especially since it takes away from our comfort, to actually stop what we are doing and address the issue at hand. If we let the character issue slip away, they will get mixed messages and feel that it is not that important after all. Whereas, if we are consistent in implementing the consequences, they will ultimately get the message, and learn to be more responsible.
In our house, we currently only allow 40 minutes a week (split over 2 days) of Ipad game time. Very occasionally we give them extra time, or once in a while we allow educational apps. (We do allow 30 minutes a day of TV time. We do not do video games.). We try to make them understand that it is a privilege granted to them and not necessarily something that they are supposed to be having as a default. We teach them that privileges come with responsibility. So they are to set the timer by themselves and stop when the timer goes off. If they don’t do that and exceed their allowed time, we don’t give them their turn the following day. So over time, they get the message that they are to follow the rules set, and learn to become more responsible. Similarly, if they fight over the same toy, we put it away until they are willing to share and play together.
If we never allow our kids to fail and pick up within our safe homely environment, they will find it difficult to get up when they face real problems in real life.
We as parents need to let our children exercise their free will instead of being overprotective and constantly making decisions for them.
We all mess up. Let them make decisions, mess up, get up on their own, and ultimately soar!