How My Brain Tumor Changed Me!

You must have been wondering where I disappeared again for the past few months! Well, I did graduate our oldest daughter, Anita, from 12th grade, from our homeschool. As she was diligently taking Dual enrollment college classes at the local community college, she was able to graduate with an Associates Degree in Science, with Highest Honors! God had convinced us to send her to a private Catholic college, and she will be majoring in Psychology, with good merit-based scholarships. Anita, we are so proud of your hard work! Congratulations!

Other than that, past few months had been a time of stress for me, with my dad’s sudden diagnosis of Stage 4 pancreatic cancer and his rapid decline and death. He was diagnosed beginning of March 2023, and passed away peacefully while on Home Hospice, middle of April, on Divine Mercy Sunday. With the flexibility that homeschooling offers, I was able to drop everything in an instant and be able to care for him in his final days, his house being a few blocks away. My sister was also able to fly in from Virginia, and we were both his primary caretakers. My mom, having back health issues, was unable to come back to the US since the COVID pandemic started.  My dad was also not able to go to India for a while, for some official/business reasons, and was stuck here in US.  So we chose to cremate his body and take the ashes to India to my mom, for final burial.  I and my sister made a 2 week trip to India, as kids diligently managed the house in my absence, and Anup had to work. 

During the time of dad’s diagnosis and hospitalizations, my husband noticed that I’ve been having some night time upper body seizures. On final evaluation and MRI with a neurologist after coming back from India, is when they diagnosed I have a rather big tumor in my cranium, a benign meningioma, which was causing the symptoms.

I should say from that day onwards, my life changed for the better! We could see God’s hand at work right from the day of diagnosis onwards, and I am so grateful for this event that unfolded in my life!! It has been a very rich spiritually transformative journey for me, as well as our whole family!

Well, first of all, it was purely Divine providence that my husband, Dr Anup, was able to get in touch with the CEO of one of the finest hospitals in the area, and that too with one of the busiest neurosurgeons and Chairman on practice. They opened a slot for a right frontal craniotomy surgery within less than 2 weeks of diagnosis, on July 19th, 2023. 

My journey starts with a weekend of Charism Training that my husband had organized for and with our local Jesus Youth resources, that again providentially was set up the weekend of diagnosis. The training was led by Mathew Jacob,  an international level speaker and resource, and he encouraged us to work in small groups for the activation of the spiritual gifts. The purpose of the training was to be able to learn how to use our spiritual gifts for building the church, and oh my, all the positive messages and prophecies that were revealed to me during the Baptism in the Holy Spirit, I was able to feel unfold right there itself onwards, and definitely over the next few weeks! 

Everyone had been praying for me, and filling me up with positive messages and prophesies that was giving me real peace!

If you ask me in 1 sentence, what I actually experienced, I would say that I basically witnessed the glory of the Catholic Church on a very experiential level! Soon as my diagnosis was out, there were so many teams and prayer groups praying for me, including Jesus Youth International with the World Youth Day Pilgrimages, Local and National Jesus Youth,  Shalom Ministry and numerous other groups that I’m not even aware of. But through all this, I was able to sense and feel the sacrifices offered and prayers rising, by the Church Militant. On the Day of the surgery as I was being wheeled to the operation room, I had a heavenly vision of God’s army of angels and saints , with my father in the front, actually having a blast with Jesus on his side, as Jesus chuckles ‘let’s get going, team’. I could sense their presence in the operating room, of course until I was knocked off with anesthesia. And ironically, my father had a craniotomy surgery 10 years back. Basically I was witnessing the Church Militant and Church Triumphant in action!  All the rising prayers and sacrifices from earth, and the heavenly hosts!

The surgery took less than expected.  Everything went very smoothly.  The Resident Surgeon was happy to see me talk so happily within an hour post- surgery. Recovery was going very well!

As I wasn’t able to sleep much for couple of days since the surgery, probably also with the extra medications I’ve been on, I was starting to feel little anxious the next night. After my husband had to leave the Neuro ICU for the night, I asked God to put me to sleep, and I immediately start  hearing heavenly music singing ‘taste and see the goodness of the Lord’, in random tunes. I had to actually check my phone to see if it was coming from there, and sure it wasn’t! The angels were ministering to me! Luckily I didn’t freak out, but found that it was very soothing, and I actually got to sleep that night. 

All throughout the next few days of solace, in the hospital I was again and again experiencing the riches of the Catholic faith. I was truly able to experience the Father, Son and Holy Spirit, as was exactly revealed to me during the prophesies during the weekend Charism Training! This was something I had thirsted for a long time. I had always strived to live a holy life and would be so fascinated by testimonies I hear, that I knew I wanted that experience for myself.

I had a great relationship with my earthly father, and he was reaffirming and affectionate in his love for me.  During those moments in the hospital bed,  I was able to truly experience that Fatherly love, as the image of a father holding his son’s hand, and a constant reassurance that He loves me, is looking after me, and cares for me, a mere mortal. I was also getting reassured of Jesus’ love for me, from the surgery room onwards, to constantly getting an image of him chuckling and looking at me lovingly from afar. And to be able to experience the person of the Holy Spirit was just truly phenomenal. I could definitely feel the gifts and fruits of the Holy Spirit being activated within me. I was able to sense true peace, joy, love, patience, more courage and zeal for the Lord. So many times, within the same hour, I had mixed emotions whelming from within- including remorse, love, joy, peace. It was such a blessed experience!

Being blessed to be part of the Jesus Youth Movement, and its Formation journey, I was part of the Study Group delivering the Formation Sessions. All the 20 plus sessions we studied and delivered over a period of 2 years, took to heart in just that 2 weeks- all the way from experience of Father’s love, to sacraments coming alive, to the Word being flesh, to suffering and discipleship, and to even a ‘Heaven on Earth’ experience. It was probably one of the first times I cried during Holy Mass the week before surgery, as I realized how much Jesus loved me and is watching over me. I also had the privilege to receive the Sacrament of Anointing of the sick, twice! I had the privilege of our dear friend and chaplain come to me all 3 days after surgery with the Holy Eucharist! Personal prayer is not a chore for me anymore, but now the meat of my existence! 

I was also informed that it was also a time of spiritual renewal and strengthening of our local Jesus Youth community, as several good friends got to come together more regularly to pray for this cause, and were experiencing renewed Baptism in the Holy Spirit, with lots of positive messages. 

One of our Jesus Youth leaders, Sunil Nadarajan,  always says that the hardest part of owning our faith is to make that jump from head to heart. We can learn all about faith on an intellectual level, but to really own our faith, we have to have that heart level experience. I was finally able to make that ‘long’ jump from head to heart! I feel my faith is now on an experiential level, and I could  already see how different I have become. I know I have been an inspiration to many as a homeschooling mother of 9 kids, who put away my medical profession for the purpose. But I have to admit that I was still holding on to my perfectionism, self-reliance and wanting to be in control. I was a mom focused on getting things done over valuing relationships. But now I can sense a real change- I have been feeling much more generous and empathic, and definitely more patient. I don’t know how my poor husband tolerated me all these years, lol! 

I don’t have enough words to convey all the love, prayers, mental, spiritual and physical support that everyone has been pouring into our lives! Couple of our dear friends helped organize a meal train with daily meal deliveries. Not only has this has been such a real physical blessing, but it has also been a very humbling and touching experience for our whole family, to be able to witness the tremendous sacrifices they make to cook and deliver the food personally, on top of their own busy schedules. 

I do also have to mention how much this whole incident strengthened our family as well. Though life was going well, and they had been handling most chores especially during the time of my dad’s diagnosis onwards, I could see how each of our kids really stepped up. I am sure they  had concerns and anxiety of their own regarding the whole situation, especially with my dad’s recent passing, but the way they exhibited maturity and support was exceptional. Even my youngest, who is now 3.5 years old, was very considerate of my resting times and would wait for me to open my eyes, to ask me anything. I am also very grateful for God’s perfect timing, that all this happened before my daughter left for college in few weeks, as she had a very vital role during this time. 

I was also overjoyed with my whole hospital experience. It was such a breath of hope and reassurance for me that there are still so many nice people out in the world, who value virtues of diligence, compassion, and work ethic, in this falling world. The care I received from the hospital staff was phenomenal. 

Before I left for surgery, I had joked to the kids that I’ll come back with a ‘new brain’. I believe that actually happened. I feel I have a more ‘supernatural brain’ now. Looking back from where I stand, I am able to see with increased wisdom and understanding of so many events that happened in my life previously, that actually built to this day.

This is a transitional year for us. It has been 20 blessed years since our marriage. We are ready to move on to the next phase of our life, and truly excited to see what God has in store for us. The week before surgery itself, we were also getting a conviction to physically simplify and declutter and let go, and it has been uplifting. We had also been remodeling our backyard for a couple of months, with the help of one of our good dear friend. So we have been able to use our backyard gazebo, where we spend time in the morning for quiet reflection and personal prayer, and occasionally do our family prayer at night with the kids. And ironically, we just discovered we need to repair the foundation of our house. So we are going to enter our new phase with a new physical, mental, and spiritual foundation! It was about time for that complete reset! A complete breakthrough!

My sister was also scheduled for a hysterectomy for fibroids the week after mine, which we had insisted she proceed with, as she had been selflessly keeping it off for a while with trying to be with my mom in India, and taking care of dad during his last weeks. She is also having a good recovery. 

Moving forward, with all the goodness I received, I know the enemy will try to tear me down. I know I will have trials down the road. My only hope and prayer is that I am able to remain in this new state of grace, and actually act upon the inspirations that the Lord has been constantly giving me, and to be able to truly live my life for the Lord!

God Bless!