Cultivating gratefulness is not something we should start thinking of right around Thanksgiving time. It is something that should be emphasized and even modeled right from the start, lifelong.
Gratefulness in literary terms, is ‘being deeply appreciative of kindness or benefits received’, according to the MW dictionary. Without gratefulness, one is certainly bound to be entitled. There are studies that show that if one is grateful, they are bound to be happier in life. By developing strong character traits, there are positive associations with success, happiness, competence and other benefits.
Ungratefulness stems a lot from taking things for granted. When we start to realize that everything we have is a gift from God, and we consciously try to realize that, we are well on our way to being grateful.
When we get a cup with little water, we can either complain that it is half-empty, or be grateful that it is half-full. How we perceive things can have an impact on our gratefulness and appreciation.
As parents, we have a moral duty to impart gratefulness, as it may not be something that comes naturally for many; that too, in this highly abundant, ‘get whatever you want in an instant’ culture. Whatever doesn’t come naturally has to be trained, and training requires persistence.
Below, I would like to share some tips on developing gratefulness in kids. These are things I try to employ in our family on a daily basis, as gratefulness doesn’t come very naturally around here also.
(1)Take them ‘behind the scenes’– We are all about giving different household responsibilities to children. They need to understand that things just don’t happen by themselves, but that there is work behind the scenes. We inform them of all the things we all do on a constant basis to keep the house running. We also make it a point to always acknowledge them for all the help they render throughout the house, occasionally surprising them with unexpected bonuses. We entrust kids with all sorts of household duties including cleaning, helping in kitchen, helping outdoors, helping with family projects, helping with siblings etc, taking into account that we all need to be good stewards of God’s gifts to us.
And I can say that again: “We are able to manage our family with all the help our kids give! Thank you kids!! We love you!”
(2) Remind them and explain to them the sacrifices you make as parents for their benefit. Kids don’t know these intuitively, and so they may not know that you sacrifice your comfort and time for them. They need to know. An incident that happened just the other day. Kids were supposed to have soccer one rainy day. I was ready to stay back, but since they really wanted to go, I asked them to change and be ready and that I’ll make my final call when it is actually time to get out. We were about to head out as it didn’t seem that bad, and as we opened the garage, the rain started pouring heavier and I decided to cancel. As I told the kids to go back inside and change, I heard quite some grumbles, and someone mentioned that they had to change for nothing. I took that opportunity to tell them about all the sacrifices I make from my end to make their activities a reality, including up to 2-3 hours of just driving time, some days; to all the preparations done just to leave the house each time. I mentioned how much time I spend, when I could be home doing a multitude of things. They got the message and apologized.
(3)Try doing a Litany of Gratitude. This is something we started doing a few years back during our morning prayer time. We go around in circles and have each person say one thing they are grateful for. I constantly remind them how we all tend to take everything for granted, and that we came into this world with nothing, and we shall leave with nothing. All the good deeds we do on earth are the only things that will remain.
Through the Litany, they have gradually started adding in things as simple as clean drinking water, sweaters and other necessities and comforts that we so overlook all the time.
(4)Next time they complain of something, let them say one thing they are grateful for. Sometimes when the kids complain that the crayon is broken, or the slice of cake is crumbled, I remind them to be thankful that they even have the crayon or cake in the first place. I constantly keep reminding them of all the luxuries we have while so many people barely have food to eat, clothes to wear, fresh air, clean water, education, or even freedom. We need to remind that we need to be happy with what we have, and not complain about what we don’t have. We should not be entitled to think we deserve to get something.
(5)If they break/ lose something by being careless, don’t replace immediately. Until about a year ago, I had the tendency to replace any pencils that were ‘lost’ from the homeschool room. There’s nothing more irritating than not having a pencils readily available in the homeschool room. I would sharpen everything every Monday morning and put out some common ones (each child has their own supply, separate) in a pencil holder. But 1 day later, I see that none of them are in the holder. They might be out in the game room, or kitchen, or craft area or any other part of the house. Nobody was being responsible to put them back, as they knew new pencils will ‘magically appear’ the next day. I decided this needed to stop. Soon as I saw that pencils were missing from the holder, I would tell everyone to pause their work and bring back all of the 10 ones I had written ‘homeschool room’ on. After several times of doing this, they have learned to ‘put them back where they belong’.They also learned to pick it up and put it back if they see it lying on the floor, even though they didn’t do it, as they know that they will also have to search later. ‘Put them back where they belong’ is probably the one phrase they keep hearing from me a million times. 😅
(6)Provide them an opportunity to earn money. Kids help in the day to day running of the house, without pay, as they are obliged to do so, being a member of the house. But there are certain extra chores we give them, that help them earn extra money, on a weekly basis. We teach them to save their money and not just spend it on random things.
If they don’t do that chore well, we give them a second chance to do it well, and if still not done properly, only pay accordingly. Over time, this helps in realizing the value of hard work, responsibility, and builds good spending/ saving habits. It is also good to remind them to be grateful for the the opportunity to earn money.
Once in a while, when they want something fancy, that we normally wouldn’t have bought, they take it out of their account.
(7)Be a good model of gratitude yourself! This might be the most important one. I have noticed that kids pick up very easily whenever I start to grumble about something. Maybe we might be complaining about rain having spoiled our plans, or being too hot. Even in circumstances where it is very hard to remain cheerful, if we consciously make an effort, it produces dramatic results. Thank Jesus out loud for even simple things such as getting a good parking spot, or getting back home safely, or getting to eat something you like. The list can go on…. When we ourselves develop this attitude of gratitude, even when things don’t go right, it is a great Christian witnessing. Although it is as hard as it sounds, when we believe that God works for the best for those who love Him, it will feel like the most natural thing to do.
“In all Circumstances give thanks, for this is the Will of God for you in Christ Jesus”(1 Thessalonians 5:18)
If there’s any tip that works for you in cultivating gratefulness, I would love to hear from you!