First of all, I have an announcement to make. We had our 9th baby girl few weeks back! With God’s grace, everything went well. Baby is doing fine. So now, we are at 4 girls and 5 boys 🙂
Usually after baby comes, I’m back to normal life with all the running around, taking kids to activities and classes and what not, by 4 weeks. But this time, I have an extended ‘maternity leave’. As all classes and activities are canceled due to the COVID-19, I guess I get to stay at home longer. I am hoping that each of you are staying safe and protected from the coronavirus.
We have been witnessing numerous accounts of selfless service these days, especially healthcare workers, with the evolving pandemic. Lots of people working tirelessly to save lives. Empathy and compassion and going out of our way to help others are godly characters that we all need to consciously make an effort. For some people, it comes very naturally. For most others, it doesn’t. I was hoping to share some insights on developing this godly character in kids.
Whatever doesn’t come naturally has to be trained. Training requires setting up a habit. And, setting up a habit requires persistence.
Even though most of the time our kids get along very well with each other, there is rarely a day that sibling rivalry doesn’t lift its head around here, as well as the comparison factor. ‘He got 2 pieces, so I need two.’ Or, ‘He got a bigger piece’, etc. You get the message. So what can we do to teach our kids to be considerate of others? This is a quality they really need to have, in fact any good Christian should have.
Kids need to understand their value as God’s unique creation, and the dignity that accompanies. They need to learn that all people are created in the image of God and are equally valued in God’s eyes. Just because you have a good house, or a good education, or are smart, doesn’t make you any better than the person right next to you. They have to learn that all people have their own dignity. We need to teach them to embrace the fact that they are no better than the kid who may seem to be less fortunate or less smart than them. We need to teach them to serve others with a humble heart. In this ego-centric culture, it is very hard for even the older generation to really come out of their comfort zone and help those in need. When we start genuinely showing interest in another’s welfare, we start being considerate, and by looking upon us as role models, kids embrace the same.
Most parents have a tendency to overprotect their children, as they don’t want them to fail. But kids need to fail within safe boundaries. They need to learn to own up to their mistakes. Then only they can bounce back when they fail in the real world. If they made a mistake or a bad choice, let them own up to it, instead of protecting them out of it. When parents empathize too much and try to divert the blame away from their children or intervening and rectifying the action for them, they become very self-centered and entitled to feeling they need to be rescued all the time. It is good to say ‘’Thank you for saying the truth. But you know that it is a bad thing to do. Let’s try not to do this again. I need you to tell me how how are going to solve this.” Children need to work out their own problems, as through that, they will become resilient and self confident.
Another reason kids tend to be self centered, is that they lack nothing. Most parents tend to overindulge their kids with everything they want or ask for. They feel it is their duty to provide everything they ask for. We should distinguish between wants and needs. As parents, we have a responsibility to provide for their needs. But providing for every want is a means to spoil them and teach them to be selfish. More than stuff, what kids need from us is our time and presence. Stuff will provide them with temporary happiness, which will fade in no time. But our presence and all the positive impacts it can make, will last a lifetime.
In our house, we try our best to teach our kids to be considerate of others, although lots of times it falls on deaf ears. So we constantly keep reminding, as persistence is key.
Some examples from our house....Some of our kids always run away from the scene of accident even if it’s not their fault, without bothering to see if the other person is ok. Even if by accident, we insist they say sorry and to try to help out whatever is needed. For few of our kids, trying to console a crying baby doesn’t come naturally unless instructed to. If baby is crying, we encourage them to see what’s needed and do accordingly. When the kids spill milk and just leave it on the counter, I encourage them to try to clean it up by themselves first. If they leave snack wrappers lying around after eating, I call them back and tell them to put it in the recycle bin. By developing a culture of taking responsibility for their actions, they learn to watch out for others by being more considerate. If they fight over the same toy, I have them put the toy away until they can share without hurting each others feelings. We ask them to step into the other person’s shoes and see how they feel. While serving lunch, sometimes all the kids rush to get the food first, pushing others aside. I usually insist the youngest go first and that the oldest ones have to make sure the younger ones are served first. I also usually encourage them to let the other person have the bigger or better piece. I sometimes bribe them by asking “Who wants some more treasures in heaven?”, and it usually goes well. 😇
This all has to be capped off with personal prayer and teaching to pray for others. Through personal prayer, they learn to understand their own dignity as a child of God. By praying for others, they learn to step into the other persons shoes, understand their needs, empathize with them and lift them up to God. What better time than now to teach this, in the midst of corona virus.
We usually encourage our kids to do their personal prayer in the morning, apart from our evening family prayer and other small devotions during the day. Before school, we have a small time of worship where they pray for needs of themselves or others. Recently, with the extra time staying home, we have been blessed to add in an extra hour of prayer/ devotions dedicated just for the Coronavirus situation, the victims, families, helpers etc, and I can see a big difference already.
Some actionable tips to teach kids to be considerate are:
(1) Model good behavior and genuine concern for others. Kids pick up very fast whatever parents do. We should demonstrate good role-modeling.
(2) Encourage kids to play cooperatively. Through cooperative play, they build team-spirit and look out for each other.
(3) Have them apologize where needed. Even if they didn’t do something purposely, they should make it a point to say sorry, and to see if something is needed to be done from their side.
(4) Whenever they see someone in distress, have them check out what that person needs, and try to console them.
(5) Teach them to let others go first.
(6)Have them try to clean up their own messes, instead of just leaving it for others.
(7)Develop a habit of personal prayer and praying for others.
By teaching to be considerate of others, we are teaching to be good Christians, by teaching to serve.