The Key to Living a Life of Balance

With COVID slowly on the decline, hoping all of you are are doing well and slowly transitioning back into a normal life, after such a long break.  Thanking God  for His continued loving protection. 

This year, we have a new driver in the house! Our oldest, now 11th grade,  started driving few months back. So this year, I don’t need to ride her to the community college campus she takes classes at. She is also able to drive herself to all the numerous commitments she has signed up for,  all the tests she needs to take for college application; and she even takes the siblings for a couple of common activities that they have signed up for.  That’s a huge load off me!

While it is good to get back into ‘normal’, and despite the extra help with rides, I should admit that the last few weeks have been a little too crazy around here! I think what happened was that we were managing pretty well, until everything transitioned to in-person from being virtual. There were definitely few days that I felt we needed a couple more chauffeurs and also even clone some of the kids so that they can be at different locations at the same time, due to overlapping commitments! 

My oldest son’s soccer commitment is a half time job in itself, which we signed up only because he has demonstrated lots of passion and talent. On top of that, we have archery(they made it to the team), Troops of St George( which is a Catholic boy scouts program), guitar and vocals, dissection labs at the local museum, as well as a lot of ministries some of our kids are involved in or participating in, and several ministries and commitments me and my husband are involved in.  Throw in several field trips, doctors appointments of various nature ( annual checkup, eye, dental etc ) and multiply by 11……… 😳

I am grateful for all the opportunities we have,  to engage in different things, but it really caused me to re- evaluate if all of this is really in God’s plan. Well, thankfully I realised that except for those really crazy few days, things have been manageable for the most part. And thankfully I have been able to get food on the table every meal, have clean clothes for everyone, and have  time for prayer, all these days. So I guess I’m not too guilty of neglecting my vocation in its entirety. 

But through all this, I was inspired to write this post on evaluating our current commitments and identifying if we are truly where God wants us to be in that phase of life. 

I am not a person who usually favours a 24/7 crazy busy lifestyle. It is simply not sustainable. 

There does need to be opportunity for quiet time, quiet activity, and rest. There is simply no way we can keep on running without fueling ourselves up. And that fueling should come from that quiet time of rest and contemplation, and resting in the Lord.

Nowadays, being crazy busy is a new fashion statement  people try to live up to. Such a lifestyle is not very wise and actually even counter-productive, as most times one has to deal with the stress of burnout. But on the other hand, an idle man’s mind is the devil’s workshop, and it is good to have as many things going on as ‘comfortably possible’. I actually should also admit that I do better under a little shortage of time. But in our family, when we choose activities/ commitments, we aim to leave enough room for flexibility. There were few seasons of our life where we were running at 100%, but in general we try to keep a good margin, to preserve family time and things that matter more. This not only leaves enough room for flexibility, but also helps in fulfilling our primary vocation, plus enough time to rest in the Lord, refresh and give back our best. Both me and my husband are more on the introverted and task oriented side, and though we do love company and spontaneity, we both find it best when we have that time for personal reflection and contemplation. And I truly believe also, that without that time for personal reflection, there is no growth. 

So how do we know whether all the things we signed up for are actually what God intends? I’d like to share some pointers.

(1)I think first of all that it’s very important that we need to identify our primary vocation, and thus set our priorities right. We all have different vocations. For any vocation to be successful, it has to be rooted in prayer and giving first priority to God. For me, my primary vocation is being a wife, mother, daughter, home educating my children, and through all these to reach my final destination in Heaven. I should be able to live out my primary vocation without neglecting different aspects of the vocation; because if God has called me for the vocation, he has equipped me for living that vocation. If we are in a very stressful season of our vocation(eg: sickness in family, newborn, taking care of ageing parents etc) it could be that we don’t have time for anything else much. And that is Ok. Thats just a season, and ‘this too shall pass”. However challenging your vocation is, if you have identified it right, have no doubt that God will equip you appropriately, as long as you set the priorities right.

This brings us to the 2nd point… 

(2) If you are not able to meet the demands of your vocation, understanding why you are not able to is very important. Is it truly because you have too much on your plate, or is it because you haven’t really prioritised your day? Or are there unimportant things that infiltrate your day that you don’t even have time or priority for personal prayer, or other aspects of your vocation? Social media, Netflix and mindless searching of internet are are real time killers, which is one of the major reasons, my husband and I have decided to stay away from social media. Leisure and fun is very important, but if that becomes the place where we spend most energy on, other areas will suffer a setback.

(3) We also have to evaluate if we are balancing out all the elements of our vocation in a reasonable way. Is one area of the vocation being constantly neglected? For example, to fulfill my homeschooling vocation doesn’t mean I sign them up for every opportunity under the sun, and neglect the other elements in my vocation. Am I spending countless hours researching curriculum, or am I attending to the child who needs me at that moment? We need to live in the moment, and be attentive to the needs within that vocation, on a day to day basis. Am I spending enough time with spouse, or indulging too much on the children, on a regular daily basis? These are things we need to evaluate. Of course, emergencies triumph everything else and all our priorities for that time can change in a split second. But on a regular basis, is that balance happening; including time for personal prayer? 

God does want us to give of ourselves to others and the community, and He has specific and unique plans for each of us. If we are reasonably living out our primary vocation, we do need to take up extra commitments that will help us to give to others, as well as seeking the expertise or skills our kids need also, to grow in their talents and passions. 

But here, I think the main problem is when we take upon ourselves too many extra things, that our primary vocation suffers a setback.

I usually keep the following pointers in mind, when I try to discern what to say yes or no to:

1)First we have to resist the urge say yes to everything that comes our way, or feeling guilty that we aren’t doing something, or fear of missing out,  or doing something only to satisfy our ego. We have to fulfil our primary mission as faithfully as possible

2)Are all these extra things on my plate what God really wills for me in that specific season of life. He may have willed it for me at another time in my life.  But is He still, in my current situation?

3) Are all these extra good things, including ministries, prayer gatherings etc. actually drawing me closer to God or is it getting too mechanical that it is even taking away from my personal prayer time, or from fulfilling my primary vocation faithfully?  

4) It’s also good to try to understand if something we signed up for is really our calling. Sometimes we may have signed up for something, and immediately regretted afterwards. One way to discern if an activity is part of God‘s will for us at that season of life is to ask ourself if it is giving us peace or whether  it is taking away our peace.  Find out what all activities take away our peace. Maybe those are not in God’s plan, in which case it’s best to eliminate those from our schedule, as possible. 

The key to living a balanced life is to discern God‘s will for ourselves in that particular season of life. Otherwise we can overcommit ourselves, and not live out our primary vocation faithfully. This can also lead to burnout, including no time for prayer. God has lots in store for us so that we can live life to the fullest, but identifying what those are should be what we aim for. Most importantly also, setting priorities in each area that cater to our soul, mind, heart and body (through prayer time, time for contemplation, time with family, and personal care). Through doing so, we should be able to live life at its fullest!