Being a mom of 9 kids, I am surprised that I am not yet deaf! There is always constant noise, and chitchat, especially now that the kids are getting older. To make it worse, they have always been playing their favorite Christian music station most of the day, after school-time. They used to hear it in the van, whenever I used to drive them around for various activities, in the ‘pre-covid’ era. But now with less outside activities, they have shifted gears to hearing it inside the house from the radio speaker downstairs. And since it is Christian, I rarely say no when they ask. But most days I find myself having to pull out the plug and hide it for some time, Christian music or not! With all the constant babble babble and background noise, I felt I was craving quiet time!
I find myself totally paralyzed when I don’t get the quiet time I rightfully deserve. When it’s too loud all the time, one cannot experience the peace and still that you are entitled to experience.
Even in the scriptures, we see that though people were crowding around Jesus hoping to get healed by Him, he retreats off to a quiet place to pray, leaving multitudes waiting for him.
So too, sometimes we need to do the same. In all the busyness of life, we need to step back, to rest, ponder, and get refreshed.
For me, ‘quiet time’ is my time for personal prayer, reading the Bible, journaling, as well as my time to brain dump and make a plan for the upcoming days, and bring those plans to God. It is also the time I read any spiritual/ vocational books of interest. If I don’t have enough quiet time in my day that I can’t think properly, I find myself totally paralyzed that I can’t function to my best. I start feeling entering a panic mode, and being irritated, especially when I have pressing things I need to do and can’t even think properly. But during my quiet time, I am able to bring all my frustrations and struggles to God, experience peace, and be refreshed. Thus it is quite essential for me, and in turn helps me to be a better mom!
Being a mom, having a fixed routine for quiet time is quite challenging. For me, quiet time looks very different every few months, with new babies coming into the picture, changing sleep patterns, changing homeschool/ activity schedules, etc. Some days, even though I would love to sit extra time in the morning for quiet time, getting breakfast on the table, or attending to the baby who just woke up, takes precedence. Usually until they are 7 months old, most of my babies have slept soundly in the morning and are up only after 7:30 am. So I get some quality time in the morning. Such days, I have been having regular quiet times with effective Bible studies including journaling. But once they hit 6-7 months, they become light sleepers and wake up 2 minutes right as I get off the bed. I am currently in that phase. So quiet time for me right now does not look like the picture perfect image one has of someone sitting in front of a Bible in total silence, with a cup of coffee! Though I did have my perfect days occasionally.
But after all, God gave us our family and an important role as mom; so no need to be feeling discouraged, as we are perfectly obeying His will by catering to our families’ needs first.
But for us moms, unless we be intentional, be more creative, or fight for the right to quiet time, it can disappear altogether!
For those moms who are in the same boat as I am, I just hope to share some encouragements and tips to reclaim that quiet time, at least in bits and pieces.
(1)First off, I think we will need to learn to accept that for most of us, there may not be a ‘picture perfect’ quiet time, every day. Some days, it might be perfect; some days it just may not happen, however much you try from your part. And again, it is important to not feel guilty. God has given us our family to take care of, and although we should not take it as an excuse for not trying, sometimes in reality, it is just plain hard. One quote I really admire is “If you can’t pray the way you want to, pray the way you can.” Any small effort from our part, is great in God’s eyes.
2)Carve out a time and place. Don’t compare with others and feel frustrated. There may be moms who are able to go for adoration and sit in complete silence for an hour or two. Everyone’s circumstances are very different. Go with the season that God has planted in your life at that time. Try to carve out time in the day when in general, you are in less demand. But again, don’t despair if that time doesn’t work that day. God is accessible 24/7, so you can definitely try another time that day.
3) Keep it simple. Sneak in moments here and there to refresh and recharge your heart, if you don’t have the opportunity to do it all in one sitting. Find out what works for you in your current season. Though I try to have a consistent time every day, even soaking up its and bits of quiet time here and there works good for me, some days.
Some days, when I start sensing tension build up, I retreat off to a relatively quiet place of the house, to steal few minutes, before kids come hunting me down. Once I bring all frustrations and struggles before God, I can start sensing peace already.
4)One thing moms can try, is to fit in a lot of the Bible reading/reflections etc together with the kids. One thing I do on days I know that not much time will be there later, is doing Spiritual exercises with the kids, where I walk them through a mental exercise of Jesus walking right near them. And during this time, I do the exercise myself. We also have a small prayer time in the morning together, where we sing few songs, prayers and read small reflections.
I also do Bible stories with the younger kids. So days when I don’t get my morning quiet time in, I resort to bringing back to mind, the reflections or stories that I read with the kids, and use that for meditating on during the day.
5)With babies, there’s nothing much we can do. But with kids who are old enough to understand, maybe 2 years and above, let them know that they cannot disturb you during that time. Though it might take a while to sink in, if you be consistent, they will learn fast.
6) Having conversations with God throughout the day, as I do simple chores or tasks as well as the constant awareness of God throughout the day, has helped me a lot throughout my spiritual journey. Don’t just limit yourself to a carved out time of the day. Include Him in your daily work!
7)Some days, I try to have my quiet time, right after breakfast, before heading up for school. I sometimes just sit at the breakfast table. Prioritizing quiet time in front of them, can make a positive impact on them in terms of their own quiet time.
8) Setting up a household quiet time, where everyone is expected to remain with quiet activity can be a partial solution. On a daily basis, it could be challenging to find a time of the day that works with everyone’s different schedules.
9)I always keep a Bible in the van, and also carry with me a bag with some reading books and notebooks, to sneak in some moments while I’m waiting in the van, waiting during kids activities. It doesn’t last too long as most likely the youngest few will be in the van. But I usually get few moments here and there.
10)Once upon a time, I used to have some quiet time during our homeschool time. But now, with 9 kids to go back and forth with, mornings are getting to be quite crazy. Things calm down a lot after lunch after all the morning madness; so after tidying up the kitchen, I get some quiet time while they work on their independent subjects; unless I still have work to catch up with some of the kids. In fact, this happens to be the most quiet time of the day in this house (for now at least 😬)
11) Once a week, we also do a Taize style prayer during our family prayer time, where we play Taize music, have some lighted candles, and quietly reflect.
If we stretch our mind a bit, there are clearly ways to incorporate quiet time into your life. So don’t give up! In fact, ask God for the grace to have a quiet time! “Ask and you shall receive”.
“The Spirit of God is a spirit of peace, and he speaks and acts in peace and gentleness, never in tumult and agitation. What’s more, the motions of the Spirit are delicate touches that don’t make a great noise and can penetrate our spiritual consciousness only if we have within ourselves a sort of calm zone of silence and peace. If our inner world is noisy and agitated, the gentle voice of the Holy Spirit will find it very difficult to be heard. If we want to recognize and follow the Spirit’s motions, it is of the greatest importance to maintain a peaceful heart in all circumstances.”( Fr. Jacques Philippe)
Chechi, its very inspirational. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you Tintu!:) God Bless!